The Friday Poetry Thread

Hanging the monkey is committing a crime,
Whilst slapping the monkey is passing the time!

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I couldn't give a monkey's who we're going to play,
I just want three points at the end of the day,
The pressure is on Sherry, is he starting to crack,
At 5pm tomorrow will he be facing the sack.

The Mini Stand it never came i wish with Brent it was the same. Tomorrow at home Monkeys at the park, will i be going? fook that lark.

There was once a jumping monkey
And jumping he would always be
He fell off a cliff
Because he had a stiff
I wish he stop thinking of thee

I went to the Gazebo to see GreenSam
He wanted me to put 50p in his hand
I said I am a paid up memember and thought we received it for free
Have you stopped using paper to save the tree

GreenSam said cough up you tight b'stard T&G,
T&G said oi numbnuts I'm a member it's free,
A scuffle ensued the gazebo got ransacked,
GreenSam did a runner with pants full of brown cac,
T&G gave pursuit demanding his copy,
GreenSam shouted back just 50p t'ward the poppy.

AstiSpumante wrote:

GreenSam said cough up you tight b'stard T&G,
T&G said oi numbnuts I'm a member it's free,
A scuffle ensued the gazebo got ransacked,
GreenSam did a runner with pants full of brown cac,
T&G gave pursuit demanding his copy,
GreenSam shouted back just 50p t'ward the poppy.

Priceless

No, 50p

Astispumante, has he been reassigned?
An agent from Tony; of Newelly's blood line?
Or am I wrong, he's nowt to do with that swine?
Was dear old Asti, a mere sparkling white wine?

An influx of Tossers caused Asti to quit,
Unable to tolerate all of their shit,
Now he is back, ATDers say "rooooaaarrrrr"!
You don't waste a flounce on those wankers, foreshore.

Dear old Asti's as pure as the snow,
Sick of reading shit he decided to go,
He slept on the matter then arose from his sack,
Fired up the old laptop and Asti was back.

That silly boy Mock questioned Asti's agenda,
Is he still high after a night at the Hacienda?
Asti was flummoxed, did Mock take it up the pooper?
Was he for real or a spaced out stormtrooper?

He's here,
he's there,
He's fooked off,
Now he's back,
Asti S, Asti S.

seadog wrote:

He's here,
he's there,
He's fooked off,
Now he's back,
Asti S, Asti S.

Jimmy went to Cornwall to meet the Grateful dead, it was supposed to be for the Cornish but nool was there instead.

Czarcasm wrote:

An influx of Tossers caused Asti to quit,
Unable to tolerate all of their shit,
Now he is back, ATDers say "rooooaaarrrrr"!
You don't waste a flounce on those wankers, foreshore.

Czar is spot on, I shouldn't have flounced,
When the influx arrived my finger just pounced,
Delete it did press so fast and so hard,
I should've just played my joker card,
Choose to ignore or choose to respond,
I chose the latter, to flee, to abscond,
It's great to be back amongst all you freaks,
Twas only a day but it felt like 12 weeks !!

Jim went to Kernow the chauffeur went too,
Careful said piggy don't step in no poo,
Watch what you say Jim them yokels is naaaaaasty,
Tell 'em you bleed green or get smacked with a paaaaaaaasty.

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-aaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world

Etc.

Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in a bucket
and every time she let it out
the sheepdog could not think of a rhyme

The influx of new members caused Czarcasm to fit
He thought they were a bunch of tits
So reluctant was he for a new lot
He resorted to losing the plot
Calling them wankers did old Czarcasm
So on his own he had an orgasm

Czarcasm kicked his lounge door open and sat down at his desk
He and Asti chatted about what would do the best
They didn't like the joiners who had come from the farm
And both decided it was best to do them some harm

They were both insanely jealous and that was totally clear
So while they thought together they downed a bottle a beer
They thought and thought until their brain cell fried
But couldn't get a plan so just sat and sighed.

Them behs from the farm were pretty good they agreed
With more beers they got very peeved
Asti said ''thats it I'm off'' I can't take second place
Czarcasm cried and sobbed and the look on his face

As he left Asti screamed ''you feckin name them'' casm
But the very thought of laying names put casm in a spasm
He was too frightened to be strong and write the names
So just posted carp and lost his fame.


(Taken from an original idea by Lapstone Cril a poet from the past who lived in Buckland Monochorum)

And you're supposed to be funny ?

AstiSpumante wrote:

And you're supposed to be funny ?  

Asti got confused
With TT's little ruse
He couldn't shout or laugh
So went for a bath

tigertony wrote:

AstiSpumante wrote:

And you're supposed to be funny ?  

Asti got confused
With TT's little ruse
He couldn't shout or laugh
So went for a bath

OK, I'm forced to concede after that little gem, you're a comedy genius who's immense talent is being tragically wasted trolling internet forums

There was a young poster called Asti,
Whose face resembled a pasty,
It was Crimped up one side,
Fat flakey and wide,
In fact decidedly nasty.

 Not sure about young doggy but can't argue with the rest.