City Of Culture Poem (Jannerised)

Guest

CITY OF CULTURE.

If I could live just anywhere
The Muff would be for me.
Between the moors, and the Atlantic Ocean (you know...... the feckin sea)

With its lush green hillsides and all that,
you can not beat Muff Land.
feck the bucket and spade at our beach on the Hoe,
There aint no feckin sand.

The City of Culture should have been ours. We should have won the bid.
Where else this side of Bristol can you get tits in your face for a quid?

Museum's and libraries and all that shit don't interest the local folk.
Someone once said there was a library in Erny.
Seriously, this aint a joke.

We got culture galore here in the Muff. Mainly work by that Lenkiewicz
But get yourself down to Millbay docks
If you fancy a skanky old bitch.

Big shops are here dont worry,
Now we got feckin plenty.
But dont be a tw@t or you'll get chinned
If you show off with a twenty.

Dingles and Marksies are here in the Muff
We've even got a Market
But make sure you leave your car somewhere else.
There's feck all place to park it.

The sundial lavs are now a pleasure to use,
Remember when they stank?
Cubicle 4, 7pm is the place.
If your in need of a cheeky old wank. (apparently)

The Muff is famed for its tourist spots
Here we got lots of great bits,
The Oe, The big wheel, the bombed out church
ummmm..... thats feckin it.

Now we got the Moors, and Bantham
And lots of other stuff.
But people seem to forget that
THEY AINT IN THE FOCKIN MUFF!!

Some say we have a problem with drugs
like coke and some other stuff,
But ask the residents of demport and they'll say
The problem is there's just not enough

Our estates could hold really their own
I think we should have won,
Witlee, Barny, Demport are shit
but what about Plymdun?

Stover and Swilly and Budo and Erny
And not forgetting Keyum
But what I really would like to know is?
Who the feckin hell built Lee Um?

On second thoughts they could've been right
Plymouth really aint all that,
The blokes are fockin tossers
and the women are all fat.

Only joking wankers
Just a bit of fun
When I was out on the beer last night
I saw a skinny one.

So you see that we are cultured
And we love the Muff a bit
City of Culture? Not for us.
We couldn't give a shit.
lol!